Ok, so yes, I'm moving yet again. This time I'm not leaving the city I'm currently in. I'm moving to a house with a BEDROOM. I am actually going to have a bed to sleep on for the first time since June.
How amazing is this? Well you try sleeping on odd couches, floors, living rooms and basements for 6 months and let me know how you feel by the time you get a bed back. Which, by the by, is coming TODAY (in about 2 hours) and I will have full use of it's loveliness.
Ok, so I'm starting to repeat past mistakes when it comes to guys. I think I've become so fucking desperate for that feeling of, I don't know, someone actually giving a shit about you? It's pretty cool. But anyways, I'm rushing shit all the time. I never want to sit back and let shit happen. It's like I want it NOW and I need to be in control of it at all times. That's not going to get me anywhere, now, is it?
Things are just getting complicated in that front, and I don't really see an end to it.
Not that it's a bad thing - I know what I want and I'm determined to get it no matter what. I don't see that as bad at all.
But sometimes I feel like I go after the wrong people, and the right people are too far away and I'm all "well I can move close to you!". And yeah, sure, I like him and stuff, but would moving BACK actually benefit me? I'd end up in the same work I was doing before in the same stupid situation. I don't need that. So for now, single, with a 75% chance of nothing. But....I mean the weather's been wrong before, right?
Monday, November 29, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Moving On. Again.
Ok so it's back off to Kitchener for me this weekend.
After an impromtu decision to leave, I quit work and am about to leave.
Of course, screwing people over on the way.
I think I've realised my problem.
Why I haven't lived in a place very long, stuck a job out for very long, or just in general been happy at all with my current situation. It's because I hate-HATE-being tied down to anything. Commitment, contracts, obligations, dead lines, anything. I need to be one of those nomadic tribe members (who live off the land, fall asleep and wake up when they please, and can't really communicate to one another) in order to be 100% happy. And obviously, the search for this epiphany leaves more disappointment, hatred and selfishness in its wake.
How is anyone supposed to find themselves without being selfish? How is anyone supposed to end up successful without somebody getting screwed over? I'll never know. All I know right now is if I keep obsessing over whether or not my situation fits my perception of a story-book dream life, I'm going to end up very very alone. What's story book about that?
I think what I need is to meet someone else who is as impatient and eager for complete independent freedom to the point they will do anything to acheive it. At least then I'll have like a "quitting buddy" and hopefully make things easier when I have the craving to run away again.
So, bring it on, Kitchener.
Maybe I'm just not ready for changes and adulthood. Maybe I just want a little more time to be irresponsible and reckless.
After an impromtu decision to leave, I quit work and am about to leave.
Of course, screwing people over on the way.
I think I've realised my problem.
Why I haven't lived in a place very long, stuck a job out for very long, or just in general been happy at all with my current situation. It's because I hate-HATE-being tied down to anything. Commitment, contracts, obligations, dead lines, anything. I need to be one of those nomadic tribe members (who live off the land, fall asleep and wake up when they please, and can't really communicate to one another) in order to be 100% happy. And obviously, the search for this epiphany leaves more disappointment, hatred and selfishness in its wake.
How is anyone supposed to find themselves without being selfish? How is anyone supposed to end up successful without somebody getting screwed over? I'll never know. All I know right now is if I keep obsessing over whether or not my situation fits my perception of a story-book dream life, I'm going to end up very very alone. What's story book about that?
I think what I need is to meet someone else who is as impatient and eager for complete independent freedom to the point they will do anything to acheive it. At least then I'll have like a "quitting buddy" and hopefully make things easier when I have the craving to run away again.
So, bring it on, Kitchener.
Maybe I'm just not ready for changes and adulthood. Maybe I just want a little more time to be irresponsible and reckless.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Dropping the Ball.
Ok so, I think it's completely logical to say that I can't possibly follow through on my promises to keep regular posts, but I do try.
I haven't felt like doing much lately, I've been half-assing it at work, and laying around feeling sorry for myself for weeks.
Who knew things would take this kind of turn?
Anyways, I need to find something to keep my mind occupied. I was thinking, today, about how much I miss being in an orchestra or choir and being part of something amazing. I think I'll try to find a reason - any reason - to perform again with a group. The feeling is amazing, really.
I am also thinking about working out regularly like I've always been saying but have never actually done. Hence the title.
I'm getting very lazy. I need my hectic schedules and tight deadlines and stress beyond measure back. I'm becoming...laid back. Jesus.
As many of you have seen, read, or heard, I've been miserable for a while now. No worries, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Something happened that comprimised my vision of life in Toronto. It's okay. I will make a new vision.
I still want to live on my own. I've been looking at apartments around the city where I could potentially lay my rug down. But I'm not taking anything into serious consideration just yet. Once I have the numbers in order, I will pursue it further, of course.
Does anyone else love Fall? Since the weather has been getting colder, all I've been wanting to do is go for a walk and have coffee with someone fun. Where are you guys?!
The colours, fashions, lattes, and chilly nights are all making me feel like I made the right decision moving here. There is so much to do and see now! Not like living in Kitchener.
I hope I haven't bored you all to tears, but this is exciting for me. You can take your shopping trips, parties and movie nights, but I want my cold, sunny days with a hot coffee and all the time in the world. Thanks :)
<3
I haven't felt like doing much lately, I've been half-assing it at work, and laying around feeling sorry for myself for weeks.
Who knew things would take this kind of turn?
Anyways, I need to find something to keep my mind occupied. I was thinking, today, about how much I miss being in an orchestra or choir and being part of something amazing. I think I'll try to find a reason - any reason - to perform again with a group. The feeling is amazing, really.
I am also thinking about working out regularly like I've always been saying but have never actually done. Hence the title.
I'm getting very lazy. I need my hectic schedules and tight deadlines and stress beyond measure back. I'm becoming...laid back. Jesus.
As many of you have seen, read, or heard, I've been miserable for a while now. No worries, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Something happened that comprimised my vision of life in Toronto. It's okay. I will make a new vision.
I still want to live on my own. I've been looking at apartments around the city where I could potentially lay my rug down. But I'm not taking anything into serious consideration just yet. Once I have the numbers in order, I will pursue it further, of course.
Does anyone else love Fall? Since the weather has been getting colder, all I've been wanting to do is go for a walk and have coffee with someone fun. Where are you guys?!
The colours, fashions, lattes, and chilly nights are all making me feel like I made the right decision moving here. There is so much to do and see now! Not like living in Kitchener.
I hope I haven't bored you all to tears, but this is exciting for me. You can take your shopping trips, parties and movie nights, but I want my cold, sunny days with a hot coffee and all the time in the world. Thanks :)
<3
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Whoopsie
I definitely wanted to be more regular with blog posts, but my life got so hectic and busy that I never found the time to write about anything!
I got a new job since my last post, and I didn't end up moving to that amazing apartment downtown. My sister and I talked, and decided to live together for a while and save money so we can get our lives on track and she could buy a car.
Well what can I say about Toronto 4 months in? It's been amazing, busy, stressful, fun, rainy, depressing and a big giant let down.
A lot, eh? I think I've experienced quite a bit since moving here. I was offered a job at a luxury retailer and have now been there for 2 weeks. Tried the dating thing and it didn't work out. Felt the stress of "can I make rent this month?" and learned if you eat everything in the first week, you have no food for the second week.
Things are beginning to iron out a bit, but as always, things come up that are unavoidable. So, for the most part, I'm enjoying my self here.
I know that was a lot of rambling, but I really don't have much else to talk about (or that I really want to).
I'm saving up for a mac book, so I'll probably have that in a few weeks or so. By then, my blog posts WILL be more regular. I have daily rants I'll want to post up. I think it'll be a better outlet than if I called someone every night after work and bitched about my day. This way, people can either read it, or ignore it.
Everybody wins :)
Well, until next time!
Love <3
I got a new job since my last post, and I didn't end up moving to that amazing apartment downtown. My sister and I talked, and decided to live together for a while and save money so we can get our lives on track and she could buy a car.
Well what can I say about Toronto 4 months in? It's been amazing, busy, stressful, fun, rainy, depressing and a big giant let down.
A lot, eh? I think I've experienced quite a bit since moving here. I was offered a job at a luxury retailer and have now been there for 2 weeks. Tried the dating thing and it didn't work out. Felt the stress of "can I make rent this month?" and learned if you eat everything in the first week, you have no food for the second week.
Things are beginning to iron out a bit, but as always, things come up that are unavoidable. So, for the most part, I'm enjoying my self here.
I know that was a lot of rambling, but I really don't have much else to talk about (or that I really want to).
I'm saving up for a mac book, so I'll probably have that in a few weeks or so. By then, my blog posts WILL be more regular. I have daily rants I'll want to post up. I think it'll be a better outlet than if I called someone every night after work and bitched about my day. This way, people can either read it, or ignore it.
Everybody wins :)
Well, until next time!
Love <3
Friday, July 23, 2010
Sorry
I just want to say sorry about not being more regular with my posts. I mean, I'm probably the only one who really cares about being more on top of this blogging situation, but anyway.
I started working in retail, which is fun and rewarding and very different from anything else I've done. Like, working in fast-food and not caring about customers was what I was used to for 2 years. Working in retail where they allow me to get to know customers and treat them with respect and LISTEN to them is really quite relieving.
I also got an apartment. It's downtown in an area I wanted to live in. It's a really nice building and the apartment is furnished with EVERYTHING and it comes with cable, internet, utilities, etc. So all I pay for is rent (which is cheap) and groceries. Everything is kind of falling together nicely and quietly. I don't have to work too hard to keep my life on track.
A lot of people are asking me if I'm shopping a lot and clubbing every weekend and partying with the "Toronto crowd", the answer is no. Living on my own in Toronto is the same as living on my own anywhere else in the world. I need to make sure I have enough money every month to cover necessities. Like food, rent, bills, etc. I will probably go out once in a while when I have some motivation to do so, but for now I'm just focusing on my life as a whole.
Anyways with everything that's going on, I really miss my family and friends in Kitchener. I don't hear from many people anymore, but it'd be nice to see my family at very least.
I think that's about it for now. I'm running out of things to talk about.
Love <3
I started working in retail, which is fun and rewarding and very different from anything else I've done. Like, working in fast-food and not caring about customers was what I was used to for 2 years. Working in retail where they allow me to get to know customers and treat them with respect and LISTEN to them is really quite relieving.
I also got an apartment. It's downtown in an area I wanted to live in. It's a really nice building and the apartment is furnished with EVERYTHING and it comes with cable, internet, utilities, etc. So all I pay for is rent (which is cheap) and groceries. Everything is kind of falling together nicely and quietly. I don't have to work too hard to keep my life on track.
A lot of people are asking me if I'm shopping a lot and clubbing every weekend and partying with the "Toronto crowd", the answer is no. Living on my own in Toronto is the same as living on my own anywhere else in the world. I need to make sure I have enough money every month to cover necessities. Like food, rent, bills, etc. I will probably go out once in a while when I have some motivation to do so, but for now I'm just focusing on my life as a whole.
Anyways with everything that's going on, I really miss my family and friends in Kitchener. I don't hear from many people anymore, but it'd be nice to see my family at very least.
I think that's about it for now. I'm running out of things to talk about.
Love <3
Thursday, July 1, 2010
1 Week In.
So, it's been a week now since I've moved back home to Toronto! What an eventful week it has been, too! Things are going surprisingly well for me here in the city. For example, two days in to my unresting job search, I landed an interview. I now have two more. One's for a position in Marketing/Advertising and the other as a stylist at a high-end retail store. Things are looking pretty promising thus far.
I went horseback riding on Tuesday morning! What an adventure that was! I rode a big horse named Romeo. I never realised how terrifying horses are, actually. I loved spending time with this one because he was calm and didn't make any sudden movements. So I did some chores, brought ponies outside to pens, fed them and groomed Romeo. Then I finally got to hop on and ride a horse for the first time in my life. I think I did pretty well!
My job interview went really well, too. It was the same day and I had about 40 minutes to get ready for it. After I managed to do that, I arrived 15 minutes early and filled out some forms while I waited for the manager outside the store. I was really nervous at this point, but when she finally came out to greet me, all of it went away and I slipped into interview mode. She asked me some pretty typical questions, some were hard and some were a breeze. Before I go into too much detail here, I should explain that I actually applied for a stock position because it promises more hours. However what I didn't know was that it made less money than the part-time stylist position. So she told me I would do well working as a stylist because I have a firm grasp on fashion. I obviously accepted the invitation and we continued with the interview for about 45 minutes. I think I made an excellent impression because she called me about an hour later to tell me my second interview was Tuesday with the store's supervisor.
Today, I'm doing absolutely nothing while waiting for my sister to come home from work. I borrowed the first season of Lost from my friend and once my sister gets home, we are going to see fireworks at Centennial park (something I did every year when I lived here before). So for anyone who is asking, I'm doing better than fine. I'm enjoying myself thoroughly and I would appreciate a text or e-mail once in a while :P
I hope everyone in Kitchener is doing alright without me (not that I'm doubting that).
I will try to neglect this a little less in the future. I'm hoping to start working by next week if one of the jobs takes me in. Until then, Have a fabulous Canada Day!
Love Love.
I went horseback riding on Tuesday morning! What an adventure that was! I rode a big horse named Romeo. I never realised how terrifying horses are, actually. I loved spending time with this one because he was calm and didn't make any sudden movements. So I did some chores, brought ponies outside to pens, fed them and groomed Romeo. Then I finally got to hop on and ride a horse for the first time in my life. I think I did pretty well!
My job interview went really well, too. It was the same day and I had about 40 minutes to get ready for it. After I managed to do that, I arrived 15 minutes early and filled out some forms while I waited for the manager outside the store. I was really nervous at this point, but when she finally came out to greet me, all of it went away and I slipped into interview mode. She asked me some pretty typical questions, some were hard and some were a breeze. Before I go into too much detail here, I should explain that I actually applied for a stock position because it promises more hours. However what I didn't know was that it made less money than the part-time stylist position. So she told me I would do well working as a stylist because I have a firm grasp on fashion. I obviously accepted the invitation and we continued with the interview for about 45 minutes. I think I made an excellent impression because she called me about an hour later to tell me my second interview was Tuesday with the store's supervisor.
Today, I'm doing absolutely nothing while waiting for my sister to come home from work. I borrowed the first season of Lost from my friend and once my sister gets home, we are going to see fireworks at Centennial park (something I did every year when I lived here before). So for anyone who is asking, I'm doing better than fine. I'm enjoying myself thoroughly and I would appreciate a text or e-mail once in a while :P
I hope everyone in Kitchener is doing alright without me (not that I'm doubting that).
I will try to neglect this a little less in the future. I'm hoping to start working by next week if one of the jobs takes me in. Until then, Have a fabulous Canada Day!
Love Love.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Adventures Abroad
Hey guys. So it really has been a while! I'm so sorry for neglecting this page!The thing is I don't have internet at my house anymore :S We decided to switch providers and it's taking longer than expected...HOWEVER, my big Toronto move is taking place this Friday night and I could NOT be more excited!It's been 7 years I've lived away from home and I can finally go back and live the way I want.I promise promise PROMISE I will be updating far more frequently once I move. But for now, I have nothing to say really!
Love love
Love love
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