2011

As the first post of 2011, I wanted this one to cover a lot, seeing as it's the end of February already. This year went by incredibly fast!
I've been spending my time working, partying and applying to University. I had no idea how hard it would be to tell someone you want to attend their school. Even though deciding to go to University at all took me years to do.
I finally think I know what I want for sure. Maybe. Lol
Anyways, As a new year has turned over, I made no resolution. My resolution was literally to not make a resolution. I think that's the only way anyone can actually acheive one. I don't know anyone who's actually done it.

Okay I lied. I did mine once; 2007. I made a resolution to go from 230lbs to 160 and I went down to 140. :D

That was a good year.

Normally I have something really profound to talk about (lol not really). But today I just wanted to blog because it's what I feel like doing at the moment.

I will be sleeping shortly for the rest of the day because I'll be working the over night at work for the next four days.

I've been listening to some sad music today, and "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton came on. This has been established as my future wedding song. Whom ever I marry one day, this will be our song. The first song we dance to as a married couple. Because, yeah, I want to get married. And I want to have a $300 bottle of single malt Scotch on every table and I want everyone to get mind numbingly drunk at my wedding.
Because that is what they're for!

Anyways I've run out of things I care to talk about. Hopefully I'll become more regular, but shit keeps coming up preventing me from BLOGGING of all things.

Take care,

Love xoxo

Merry Christmas

I just wanted to take a little bit of time to say Merry Christmas to you all!
Wherever or whenever you're celebrating, I'm wishing you all the best today and tomorrow.
I'm having my family over today and tomorrow to celebrate as a big, giant group!
Things are going to be really busy.
So, God bless you all and have an very merry Christmas.

Love always,

xoxo

"It gets better"

I was going to make a YouTube video about this, but I don't want to make any until AFTER my surgery.
That's right, kids, I said SURGERY. I'm having a cosmetic procedure in the New Year to remove an ever-growing cyst on my mouth. So, once that's done and all healed up, I'll be posting videos on YouTube once again! Yaayyy.

Anyways,
I wanted to join this whole "It gets better" movement and contribute any way I could. So, given the circumstances, I decided to blog my personal views and opinions.
I would just like to forewarn anyone who is easily offended to please stop reading. I may piss people off, I might have opposing views on homosexuality and I often cause a huge fuss when I speak my mind. So if you're going to try to force your "correct" opinions on me, please leave now. Thanks.

Ok, so I just want to start by saying that, with ANYTHING in life, we all struggle at some point. It DOES get better, but it doesn't just happen. You have to make your life everything you want it to be before anything gets better. And those who actually believe life is easy are idiots. Run away from them.

What struck me the most is the climbing number of suicides, SUICIDES, in schools across America. Now, being in Canada, clearly I don't have the same hardships as a lot of American youth, but I can only imagine how hard it would be, personally, to go to a school with children raised by ignorant, racist red necks. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are plenty of intelligent, open red necks.

I never once blamed the homophobic youth. They're fully entitled to their feelings and beliefs and, being in a country whose constitution states "Freedom of Speech", are perfectly entitled to speak what they feel. The hardest thing for most people to do is to brush it off. We all have opinions, view, beliefs, etc. But for some reason when it comes to things like Religion, Sexuality, Ethnicity, etc. There are "wrong" opinions and "right" ones. Why is that? Instead of arguing and telling others they are WRONG about something, why not educate them to a differing view. You both might learn something. And you both leave as better versions of yourself. Right?

To all the kids who are different in ANY WAY than others. Guess what? In being different, you're perfect. Do you really want to be like them? I know what it's like to wish i was the same just to avoid the grief I receive from people about how I dress, act, talk, etc. But in the long run, I'm me, and I don't fucking want to change.

Now, I've never been one to support Gay Rights Activism. People try to push me into doing it, but to be honest, I'm not just gay. I'm a human being trying to make my way in the world, I want to get married one day, I want to have a good job, go to school, buy a house. I have dreams and aspirations just like everyone else. I refuse to be put on a pedestal or treated any differently than anyone else because I am gay. Being gay doesn't affect anyone else at all. My love life has nothing to do with my friends, family, acquaintances, or anyone else. My being gay doesn't mean I have anything in common with other gay guys, nor does it mean I'm interested in ALL men. What I want, and what I HAVE is to live my life the best I possibly can, with everything considered, every single day.

I wish this same thing upon all the gay youth, and troubled adults even. Live your life first. Don't put anything in front of your own personal happiness. Not even your sexuality. Because it doesn't matter who you love, who you celebrate, or where you're from, we're all humans and we all want the same thing: unconditional, well-rounded happiness.

This may not help a lot of people, but like I said, life is only as good as you make it. So if you embrace who you are as a person - not as a label - and take everything you can out of life every single day, you will be much happier and no negative comments will bring you down. And never feel like because you're gay you have to be a flamer, or because you're Asian you have to drive badly, or because you're Christian you have to go to Bible Camp. There are different ways to be who you want to be. Take advantage of the choices you have. If you don't like a certain stereotype, challenge it and break it apart.

I am not a "Proud" gay. I am proud to know enough about myself at 19 that I can be okay with it, and not care what anyone else has to say because it's none of their business.

I hope this helps someone out there.

Love always,

xoxo

P.S.

just to clear the water on my own views,
I'm pro-choice concerning abortion, I joke about racism and sexism all the time. I use words like "Faggot" and "That's gay" and "What a DYKE". I don't use them to offend, but make people laugh. Like I do.
I'm pro-laughter. I'm not politically correct. And I love most people that come into my life.
As for the marriage thing. There are plenty of states and countries that welcome Gay Marriage. If you want to get married, Move. :)

Barbara.

Ok, since I moved to this new place with my sister and stuff, there has been this adorable cat coming to our door on a nightly basis!
The first time I saw her, I thought she was so cute. She was standing at my back door meowing like crazy! I opened the door a crack to pet her and she had THE tiniest meow I've ever heard. So I gave her some of my cat's treats and pet her.
A few days later, she came back! So weird at this point. I was going outside and she was at my front door meowing again in her high-pitched, almost screaming way. I fell in love with her and told my sister I wanted to name her Barbara.
I don't know where the name Barbara cam from exactly, but it stuck with us and she started to answer to it.
I'm a little worried about her at times, but every night, she's outside in my front yard waiting for treats and a scratch behind the ears :)
And She will forever be named Barbara.
I want to keep her.

Christmas Time?

I’m listening to Christmas music like I have been constantly for about a month now. We moved into the new townhouse, and I FINALLY got my bedroom set and laptop I order weeks ago.

I have a question for you guys: when is it considered time to start taking out Christmas decorations and hearing the carols and such?
Personally, I find that retail is borderline ridiculous. You have to keep in mind that Christmas time is the biggest time of the fiscal year. So they’re not “too early”, they’re right on time.




But when should we start? When should the boxes come out of the basement and the tree go up? I mean, if you’re someone who gets a real tree, it obviously shouldn’t be going up in November. But some even think that the beginning of December is too early.

Me, I like to slowly move into Christmas. It is a really big time of year. There’s always so much going on. Starbucks is right on the ball. When they get their Holiday drinks and Christmas cups, that’s when I start feeling the season. Then the first snowfall is when I take out all my Christmas music. And if my house isn’t fully decked by December 1, there’s something wrong.

I absolutely love this time of year. I love all the tradition, the feeling you get when you’re in the mall, the smells, the colours, the lights, etc. I thrive in this time of year. In my opinion, everyone should have 2 weeks off for Christmas. Although that’s simply not possible, it would give people a good opportunity to take it all in.

Whenever you decide to take out your decorations, and no matter what you celebrate: Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, Yule, Eid, etc. I hope you enjoy this season for exactly what it is. It’s time to celebrate what you have, who you love, and what you’re going to experience in the future. No time of year is more perfect than this. Enjoy it.

Love always xo.

Moving...Again.

Ok, so yes, I'm moving yet again. This time I'm not leaving the city I'm currently in. I'm moving to a house with a BEDROOM. I am actually going to have a bed to sleep on for the first time since June.
How amazing is this? Well you try sleeping on odd couches, floors, living rooms and basements for 6 months and let me know how you feel by the time you get a bed back. Which, by the by, is coming TODAY (in about 2 hours) and I will have full use of it's loveliness.

Ok, so I'm starting to repeat past mistakes when it comes to guys. I think I've become so fucking desperate for that feeling of, I don't know, someone actually giving a shit about you? It's pretty cool. But anyways, I'm rushing shit all the time. I never want to sit back and let shit happen. It's like I want it NOW and I need to be in control of it at all times. That's not going to get me anywhere, now, is it?
Things are just getting complicated in that front, and I don't really see an end to it.
Not that it's a bad thing - I know what I want and I'm determined to get it no matter what. I don't see that as bad at all.
But sometimes I feel like I go after the wrong people, and the right people are too far away and I'm all "well I can move close to you!". And yeah, sure, I like him and stuff, but would moving BACK actually benefit me? I'd end up in the same work I was doing before in the same stupid situation. I don't need that. So for now, single, with a 75% chance of nothing. But....I mean the weather's been wrong before, right?

Moving On. Again.

Ok so it's back off to Kitchener for me this weekend.
After an impromtu decision to leave, I quit work and am about to leave.
Of course, screwing people over on the way.
I think I've realised my problem.
Why I haven't lived in a place very long, stuck a job out for very long, or just in general been happy at all with my current situation. It's because I hate-HATE-being tied down to anything. Commitment, contracts, obligations, dead lines, anything. I need to be one of those nomadic tribe members (who live off the land, fall asleep and wake up when they please, and can't really communicate to one another) in order to be 100% happy. And obviously, the search for this epiphany leaves more disappointment, hatred and selfishness in its wake.
How is anyone supposed to find themselves without being selfish? How is anyone supposed to end up successful without somebody getting screwed over? I'll never know. All I know right now is if I keep obsessing over whether or not my situation fits my perception of a story-book dream life, I'm going to end up very very alone. What's story book about that?
I think what I need is to meet someone else who is as impatient and eager for complete independent freedom to the point they will do anything to acheive it. At least then I'll have like a "quitting buddy" and hopefully make things easier when I have the craving to run away again.
So, bring it on, Kitchener.
Maybe I'm just not ready for changes and adulthood. Maybe I just want a little more time to be irresponsible and reckless.